It is amazing that we tend to forget one simple thing that can change our lives; and that's to 'Forgive'. Forgive is to let go the feeling of anger or resentfulness toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake. We at times tend to believe holding grudges or not speaking to others is easier than forgiving. That's where we are wrong. I learned it the hard and painful way because without knowing it was destroying me from the inside out. Now I will share my experience and journey that led me to finally realizing what was wrong. I promise not to make it to detailed so it won't be a long reading....
All my life growing up and at adulthood to this day, I have dealt with bullying or naysayers. I have experienced everything from name calling to being told I will never be anybody or successful. I have been living my life pretending everything is fine. When deep down inside I am dying (or lifeless) or dry from all the tears I have released. So much to the point that I started believing it all and given up on life and on myself. Many of my ups and downs have been the relationship I have with myself and others. The relationship with my parents distant ever since I became pregnant. My relationship with them is at the point that if they see me they don't even acknowledge my presence. Due to financial circumstances I have to live with them. Living under the same roof with them has been a challenge within itself.
Let's start off by saying that growing up I was one to be in solitude. Never dated for the fact of my insecurities brought on by the bullying and belittling. As any relationship, the one I have or had with the father of my daughter has been with lots of ups and downs. The worst was when my daughter was born. His lack of support or comments like 'Not being woman enough to have given natural birth'. Well for one my daughter was not a planned C-Section. It was due to no heartbeat showing up on monitors. So it has been to lack of support monetary or partner wise that led to my depression and well lack of desire for living. So much I stopped caring about myself, pushed people away, and well let the years go on. Despite our differences I have maintained an equal rights belief. Allowing him to have a good relationship with our daughter regardless our differences. The recent heartbreak from him was the attempt of getting our relationship to work again as a couple. This new attempt is a mistake or not only led to finding out about his outings and encounter with other women. Personal Development and this fitness journey have given me new perspective in life.
These experiences have broken me even more. Leaving me with even more insecurities, emotional damage and trust issues. I do know one thing is certain that only time will heal the wound but that it is up to me to make it happen. I have turned to the Bible and to God seeking peace within my soul to be able to forgive. It has helped me because I didn't want to live feeling or believing what they told me I was or was not to be true. I needed to have the Faith Restored back in me; not for me but for my daughter. I didn't want her seeing a broken mother in front of her or someone who has to beg for acceptance of others. It was the moment I said I needed to find help and heal. I need to be able to live a full life even if it was one in which it is only my daughter and myself. Don't want her believing the same things or that she has to beg for acceptance. That's when I decided to stop and move forward. The only way to do so was to 'Forgive'. I learned that I had to begin by forgiving myself for allowing this to happen to me. For allowing it to take control of my life.
Now is forgiveness giving up your rights and allowing those to hurt you (me)? We have all been hurt and yes we too have done some hurtful things to others ourselves. In society today, it has become easier or a 'Trend' to go around hurting each other. Whether it be by bullying, lying or cheating on each other. Especially with the growing Technology at our hands. Sadden to hear the power people have now with Technology. That instead of using it for good it is now the means for more public bullying or humiliation. Many of us know that we have the power to stop it and not allow it to affect our lives by using Technology to fight it as well. That it depends on how we respond to it and ending your life is not the solution.
How we act toward that person or feel about them may change and you change as well. You discover or awaken the inner strength you have had all the time. It doesn't mean we will put ourselves back into a harmful situation. It means we release them from the wrong they committed against us. We forgive them because God forgave us (Ephesians 4:31-32 and Romans 5:8). The word “forgive” means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt. When we wrong someone, we seek his or her forgiveness in order for the relationship to be restored. It is important to remember that forgiveness is not granted because a person deserves to be forgiven. Instead, it is an act of love, mercy, and grace that will allow you to continue with your life without regrets. It definitely lifts the weight of anyone's shoulders. I now live a more peaceful life. Although emotional healing will be along journey, I can say I am off to a good start and plan to keep moving forward.
"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about" - Unknown
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